Thursday, March 14, 2024
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I love you Grandma, now and always. Your arms were always a refuge, your home one that was truer than any other. You were the person who I would turn to for infallible advice, the most wonderful of confidants, and with all certainty you were one of the strongest women who have ever lived. You accomplished so much in eighty eight years, and each of those things was done with love. I wish we had longer, for there would never come a time in the world where one could grow tired of your stories and company.
Your tenacity was ever present as a woman who fought for her rights and those of others. You never allowed anyone to speak down towards you, to unjustly punish you, to discriminate against you, or dictate how to ran your life (1). You never let anyone bully you for your gender, for your children and grandchildren's disabilities, for your grandchildren's gender and sexualities, for your belief that science is real and that all should have the right to learn (2). You took your bullies to court and had their attempts to smear you stricken from the records (3)! You married for love against your parents wishes and lived a happier life for it! You made your stance on things firmly known by posting it at your own front door, an ally through and through! You never let others flawed or sexist ideas of your worth affect your own self confidence; you knew you were intelligent, strong, fantastic - and the man who you married loved you for your brilliance while you loved him because he never asked you to dull your light for his sake. He loved your strength, rather than that of weaker men who were intimidated by it. What you and grandpa had was partnership, it was true love, respect, and it was what all should aspire to in a relationship (4).
Even when times were tough, you found reasons to laugh. Your resolve in providing for your family once grandpa was wheelchair bound (5) defied the times you lived in, and you defied the sexist men who sent you home for wearing *gasp* PANTS as a teacher by continuing to treat each student who needed you with as much love as you showed your own children. There surely are countless generations who have been affected by your empathy and hope. People who you touched. You fed them, clothed them, got them into better homes if you noticed a child was being abused. When you had the means to do so, you showed your generosity countless times more in ensuring that your children and grandchildren never had to struggle or go without love as you once had to. There was never a hunger for love, or lack of attention, or fear when you were near. Families can have generational cycles of pain and abuse, and you broke them so wholly. You lived a wonderful life surrounded by those who you loved and in return loved you for you. Your love was always present in each hug, kiss, cuddle, call, cup of tea, bar of dark chocolate, bowl of raspberries, hand knit sweater, and lullaby you sang. You were the first aside from my mother and father to ever hold me in life (6).
When I was young without a doubt, the safest place in the world to me was by your side.
You were the one who told me when my father died that he had passed. You held me close as I sobbed with the full of my body despite how bony your own had become. You rubbed comforting circles into my back as you cried for your "Kiki," my father Keith. Your own baby. That was the kind of person you were, so altruistic and caring. There for others even when you needed to be held yourself. You let me sleep over along with my sister for the rest of the week at your home so we wouldn't be alone while my mother handled his sudden funerary proceedings. I always adored spending time with you, learning from you all that you wished to share, and I'll forever cherish the time we got to spend together on my 25th birthday. That you were on call for Christmas in Denmark, and got to meet Emil. That you got to speak with him about his own grandmother's genealogy work - and how excited you became in hoping to compare your studies to hers. I am thankful that I got to hold you close while you were in the hospital, that I got to brush your hair as you loved. The way you smiled and laughed when I brought you the raspberries you had wanted for Valentines. That I got to kiss your forehead, hug you, and see your smile one last time as you joked with Emil too. It meant a lot that you liked him, that you said he was 'a wonderful and thoughtful young man.' It really did for both of us.
Your resilience, kindness, and brilliance was a light for all to see. Even towards the end the way your eyes and voice would become re-energized when you saw your loved ones meant the world to me. This world is a darker, colder one without you in it - but that chill fades away with the slightest memory of your smile. Not even death can keep the love you gave at bay for it continues to live and breathe with each day that passes eternally in our hearts. That love is as unstoppable, as unshakable, and as unrelenting as you who gave it.
I'll love you forever.
- Healy.
Notes:
1. And held those memories of your victories forever! IT'S NOT FORGIVE AND FORGET, IT'S RESENT AND REMEMBER! They'll RUE THE DAY they told Mina she wasn't capable! No kids? FOUR IN FIVE YEARS TAKE THAT!
2. I never had to come out to you multiple times like I have ad to for others who 'thought it was a phase.' You understood and made it clear I was not only welcome but wanted. You were safety. You were home.
3. Made that cop TOO SCARED TO EVEN SHOW UP for court when he tried to give you a speeding ticket for not going on a date with him!
4. Really. Girls are so often told to be seen are not heard, to not make waves, to just do as they're told. To lessen how loud we are, and to not 'make men feel emasculated' by showing how strong or intelligent we are. You were a bold woman in spite of the adversity you faced on all sides, and raised bold women with good expectations. That's one of the most important lessons anyone could ever give - that validation comes from internal sources, not external. You just need to be good enough for you, and the right person will come because of it. Never change yourself for anyone: If you want a Morticia, you gotta be a Gomez.
5. Which was even a repercussion of his time in military service and some people STILL had a problem with a woman being the breadwinner. The utter buffoonery on display from those men! I love the fact that you made sure decades later that your children and grandchildren knew that these prejudices in life and the workplace were NEVER acceptable. You never know someone's circumstances.
6. Even if you had to practically hip check my other grandmother to get that first in line spot outside the delivery room. MAKE WAY FOR MINA!!!!
